“Fifty Shades Freed” Is More Pain Than Pleasure

Join Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) and Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) for the final chapter in their…uh…love story in Fifty Shades Freed.

This time, newlyweds Anastasia and Christian face new threats and hurdles that threaten to ruin their happily-ever-after — including a dark figure from their past, and an unexpected pregnancy.

Where do I begin?

I don’t know what was more exhausting and cringe-worthy: the continuous lack of chemistry between the two protagonists, the series of awkward and unsexy sex scenes, the long Audi commercial masquerading as a car chase, Christian’s singing debut, the unnecessary montage sequence or the horrible screenwriting (“Christian, look around. It’s boobs everywhere. It’s boobs in boob land!” was an actual line uttered during the first fifteen minutes of the movie). It was, all in all, a disastrous finale to a calamitous and disappointing series.

I appreciate that the writers TRIED to give Anastasia more of a voice. Unfortunately, her “independence” was stifled by the toxicity of their relationship. They’re married now.  They are supposedly equal, however, Christian still wants to control her and basically tortures her — sexually, of course — for going out to get drinks with her friend.

It’s insane that we are supposed to cheer this relationship on – and that we have had to for the last seven years. Hate to spoil it for you folks, but the books do not do this relationship any justice either.

Thankfully, that will be the last we will ever have to see of the red room and all of its bad acting. Laters, babe.

Final Thoughts: The final installment of the Fifty Shades series has one purpose: freeing us all from this less than satisfying franchise.


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