“Napoleon” comes up short.

On top of feasting on food and football, my family has a tradition of seeing a film in theaters on Thanksgiving. It’s probably one of my favorite parts of the holiday season if I am being honest.

So this year we treated ourselves to a morning of revolution in Ridley Scott’s “Napoleon.” The historical epic follows the infamous emperor’s (Joaquin Phoenix) ruthless climb to power as well as his volatile marriage to Josephine (Vanessa Kirby).

Coming in at almost three hours, “Napoleon” is a clumsy mix of epic battle sequences and petty drama with standard performances and sluggish pacing.

The good part is that viewers will easily become immersed in the big budget production. The scale of the film is massive, decked out with elegant palaces, signature period set pieces and sweeping battlefields with hundreds of extras. In fact, any time the film entered any sort of war scene, I was thoroughly transfixed. All of these scenes were impressively executed and extraordinarily visceral.

However, the rest of Napoleon left me…uh…baffled.

“Destiny led me to this lamb chop.”

Yes. This is an actual line in the film and not a joke made by my family at Thanksgiving.

This line is a prime example of how clunky and awkward the dialogue is for the ENTIRE film. It’s basically like writer, David Scarpa, was crafting a script that could be chopped into copious amount of memes.

Guys, some scenes are so cringeworthy I found myself laughing out loud. Even Phoenix’s line delivery is bizarrely hilarious. I couldn’t tell if he was seriously committing, or committing to mock Napoleon at every opportunity he had.

By all means, it is known that Napoleon was a vain, unpolished, grumpy, cruel and short man riddled with insecurities.

But to have him scowling around like a petulant child and making pig noises before “seducing” his wife? Nah. We didn’t need that for the ENTIRE film.

What I love about biopics is gaining a better understanding of the person. No matter how much I may dislike them, I am there for a real character study. I want to see more of his actual story — what did he actually DO for France?

Because all I can tell you is that he bopped back and forth between war and wife while screaming insults like, “you think you’re so great because you have boats.”